sourcei've been coming to realize that....when people say "do whatever makes you happy!" or "i don't have any opinions on that" or "it's up to you!" they are lying. YUP, that's right - they are not telling the truth.
EVERYONE has an opinion on everyone else's wedding - what dresses would look better, what colors/flowers/hairstyle/food/timing would be better. what THEY would do in YOUR situation. not that you asked, thankyouverymuch. as a bride, you learn to be less and less critical of other brides' decisions as you start to plan your own wedding (i hope!) and deal with the constant criticism. and it sure can be constant - and from people you least expect it! yes, even single adult men have opinions on your wedding; trust me, i've heard enough guys complain about weddings that i've attended. (i actually found a blog of a woman who stirred up some controversy over wedding criticism.... which also left me wondering if i was just offending everyone with my plans for a sweetheart table...)
source
i think for a lot of asian brides (and perhaps other ethnicities as well, but i can only speak from personal experience!), we battle our parents' ultra-traditional ideas of what makes a wedding a wedding. we are shown over and over the crafty, quirky, different, nontraditional style of weddings that reflect a couple's personality and interests while reading weddingbee and stylemepretty and brooklynbride and all those other lovely wedding blogs. and we fall in love with this newfangled (love that word!) creative ideology of weddings... and have parents that still think that all bridesmaids must match completely and wear hot pink and the flowergirl must wear white and throw petals and favors should be satchets of potpourri in a heart shaped vial, and the bridal party should be equal on both sides! and other such lovely traditional things. and none of these things are bad, if they are what YOU want! but i simply just don't. and i've definitely caught a bit flack (which is usually disguised as something like "You're doing ___? Oh." *eyebrow lifts*) from my mom, my future mother-in-law, my godmother, even my sweet grandma! and the list goes on.....
i think one of the toughest things in this whole planning business is to handle all the expectations and criticism, while still maintaining your own style, ideas, budget, and sanity. i know i've had a tough time "trimming the fat" - saying no to OOT bags (too expensive), cute but useless favors (too useless), candy buffets (too much sugar), confetti (too messy), peonies (not in season), and louboutins (too much school debt... but have you SEEN the red feathered d'orsays? sighhhhhhh) ... or thinking that no one would care about my choices only to find out that they actually expected me to choose magenta/turquoise/etc colored bridesmaids dresses instead of classy black. le sigh.
so yeah, you have to grow a few layers of skin. map out your priorities. stick to your guns! hold fast to your budget! and maintain your vision. i think that's what has helped me stay (relatively) sane... i knew (still do) what i wanted our wedding to be like and learned how to graciously turn down people's ideas if they clashed with what i envisioned. and it happens a lot. still. and i still get frustrated and stressed out from failing to meet unspoken expectations... but really, you just can't please everyone! so i'm ok with letting our wedding reflect Mr. Ramen and I - full of contradictions, fun, and the unpredictable. even if it falls short of convention and tradition.
What types of unexpected expectations have you run into?
EVERYONE has an opinion on everyone else's wedding - what dresses would look better, what colors/flowers/hairstyle/food/timing would be better. what THEY would do in YOUR situation. not that you asked, thankyouverymuch. as a bride, you learn to be less and less critical of other brides' decisions as you start to plan your own wedding (i hope!) and deal with the constant criticism. and it sure can be constant - and from people you least expect it! yes, even single adult men have opinions on your wedding; trust me, i've heard enough guys complain about weddings that i've attended. (i actually found a blog of a woman who stirred up some controversy over wedding criticism.... which also left me wondering if i was just offending everyone with my plans for a sweetheart table...)
sourcei think for a lot of asian brides (and perhaps other ethnicities as well, but i can only speak from personal experience!), we battle our parents' ultra-traditional ideas of what makes a wedding a wedding. we are shown over and over the crafty, quirky, different, nontraditional style of weddings that reflect a couple's personality and interests while reading weddingbee and stylemepretty and brooklynbride and all those other lovely wedding blogs. and we fall in love with this newfangled (love that word!) creative ideology of weddings... and have parents that still think that all bridesmaids must match completely and wear hot pink and the flowergirl must wear white and throw petals and favors should be satchets of potpourri in a heart shaped vial, and the bridal party should be equal on both sides! and other such lovely traditional things. and none of these things are bad, if they are what YOU want! but i simply just don't. and i've definitely caught a bit flack (which is usually disguised as something like "You're doing ___? Oh." *eyebrow lifts*) from my mom, my future mother-in-law, my godmother, even my sweet grandma! and the list goes on.....
i think one of the toughest things in this whole planning business is to handle all the expectations and criticism, while still maintaining your own style, ideas, budget, and sanity. i know i've had a tough time "trimming the fat" - saying no to OOT bags (too expensive), cute but useless favors (too useless), candy buffets (too much sugar), confetti (too messy), peonies (not in season), and louboutins (too much school debt... but have you SEEN the red feathered d'orsays? sighhhhhhh) ... or thinking that no one would care about my choices only to find out that they actually expected me to choose magenta/turquoise/etc colored bridesmaids dresses instead of classy black. le sigh.
so yeah, you have to grow a few layers of skin. map out your priorities. stick to your guns! hold fast to your budget! and maintain your vision. i think that's what has helped me stay (relatively) sane... i knew (still do) what i wanted our wedding to be like and learned how to graciously turn down people's ideas if they clashed with what i envisioned. and it happens a lot. still. and i still get frustrated and stressed out from failing to meet unspoken expectations... but really, you just can't please everyone! so i'm ok with letting our wedding reflect Mr. Ramen and I - full of contradictions, fun, and the unpredictable. even if it falls short of convention and tradition.
What types of unexpected expectations have you run into?
